Relationships in the Era of Situationships

Situationships are like that one sock that disappears in the laundry – you’re not sure where it went or how it got there…

Let’s have a look at situationships versus relationships, and how to create a healthy relationship in this era of situationships.

• Q:  If you go on a few dates, and you kiss someone, are you in a relationship? 
• A: Not exactly these days. 
• Q: What about if you sleep together? 
• A: Also lost its meaning in modern society unfortunately. 
• Q: When you meet their friends? 
• A: Could be as another “friend”… Hard to tell. 
• Q: Surely if they introduce you to their family… 
• A: Even then…
• Q: So how do you know you’re in a relationship?
• A: When you talk about it…

What does a healthy romantic relationship look like?

If, like most, you have had some negative dating experiences, you start doubting whether healthy relationships exist at all, and if they do… what they actually look like. This is what I have learned from my own therapist: 

Even though no relationship is perfect, some relationships are safe!

What is the difference though, between a relationship that is “safe, with normal issues” and one that is “run for the hills, I’m buried underneath red flags”…

Well, you can recognise a healthy romantic relationship by:

1. Open conversations, where both partners feel comfortable expressing feelings
2. Respect for each other’s boundaries
3. Being able to be yourself around each other 
4. Celebrating each other’s wins, e.g. a promotion
5. Support during challenging times, in the way you want to be supported. For example, if you tell your partner you need a hug or you need them to listen, that’s what they’ll do rather than giving advice. 

Remember that a healthy relationship should uplift and enrich both individuals’ lives. It’s not something you need, or they need. It is something that improves your lives even more. Basically, a healthy relationship is like a two-piece artwork. While each canvas might be stunning on its own, they are even better together:

Healthy Dating: how to recognise a potential future healthy relationship in those uncertain early stages of dating…

Of course, a healthy relationship is not something you have from day one of meeting someone. No matter how great they are, it takes time to figure out your potential together.

Here are some early signs though of what healthy dating looks like:

1. mutual interest and connection: you can tell there is a genuine curiosity about each other’s lives
2. meaningful conversations
3. both parties actively listen to what the other person has to say
4. respect for personal boundaries and consent 
5. a balanced give-and-take in terms of sharing information and experiences
6. both people are comfortable being themselves around each other

If you are experiencing all of those with the person you’re dating,things are looking promising.

Next, trust begins to build as both parties show reliability and follow through on their commitments. These early signs can indicate that a healthy romantic relationship might be in the making.

How long does it take to know if a relationship is safe and healthy?

The timeline for determining if someone is a good match and a safe person to be in a relationship with can vary widely from person to person and relationship to relationship. Some people might feel a strong connection early on, while others may take more time to develop trust and compatibility. 

It’s important to give the relationship time to unfold and to have open conversations to better understand each other’s values, goals, and boundaries. Rushing into a relationship without taking the time to get to know someone can sometimes lead to overlooked red flags. 

There’s no specific timeframe, but allowing several months to a year of consistent interaction and getting to know each other can provide a clearer picture of compatibility and safety.

How do I prevent getting hurt again?

Yes, you have to risk getting hurt if you want to risk being happy… However, it is possible to limit the risk of getting hurt again. 

How? Simple. You stop chasing relationships that don’t work. Once you feel it is not working, no matter how hard you try, that’s your cue to walk away. Walk towards something better. That’s the only way of limiting your hurt and optimising your chances to find a happy healthy relationship.

#1 Rule in Dating

My advice for the number #1 rule in dating you want to adopt: stop wasting time on the wrong people. Yes, relationships always take work, but initially, with the right person, it should be easy. The “work” should feel good, just like a job you enjoy. If you dread every Sunday night because it means Monday is coming, you’re not in the right job. If you feel drained by working on your relationship, you’re not with the right person. Mondays should feel good and communication should feel easy. 

Can therapy help with this?

Therapy can guide you in finding a healthy relationship by:

• fostering self-awareness
• helping to identify personal values 
• learning how to set boundaries 
• offering strategies for effective communication
• recognising patterns from past relationships that may be affecting current choices
• recognising red flags and unhealthy relationships vs healthy relationships  

Through this process, therapy equips individuals with the tools to navigate the dating landscape with confidence, make meaningful connections, and establish a foundation for a balanced, fulfilling, and harmonious partnership.